Your love is all I need.

Friday, September 17th, I closed on my first home.  All paperwork was completed, all signatures collected, and money transferred.  The moment my Realtor handed me the (largest collection I'd ever seen for one house of) keys, I admittedly got a little giddy with anticipation all over again.  The house was actually mine.  I had one of those moments where the sheer impact of the responsibility before me was a little heady, but I knew I was up for the challenge.

A luck would have it, I moved the same weekend as my longest (20 mile) run for my marathon training.  And kick-off weekend at church.  I sort of reveled in the busyness, as I sometimes do, and let the break-neck pace run me from morning until I fell into bed in the evening.  I moved boxes, vacuumed, shampooed carpets, and then unpacked boxes with the goal of organizing one room per day.  And somewhere along the way that week I called the construction company to come out and do the quoted repairs from the home inspection, got myself a fridge (!), and got wireless internet all set up.  I made a casserole for my friend Megan on Friday night and I finally felt like an adult.

The house decisions were mine.  And being someone who has probably coasted a little too long on the "I don't really have an opinion, whatever you want to do" bandwagon, it was definitely a shift for me.  A learning lesson all of it's own.

 I made it to about Wednesday night before the break-neck pace of cleaning and organizing finally hit me.  The task of having to do it alone was almost overwhelming.  My roommate didn't move in until this weekend, but in the same respect, I couldn't expect her to do some of this stuff regardless.  The weight of being a homeowner sunk in.  And another realization hit me afresh: I never pictured myself here, alone.  I, like many other little girls, pictured life in a certain way.  High school, college, marriage, house, kids, etc.. I've officially gone out of order on my timeline.  Life is not what I thought it was going to be like.

I'm learning some new lessons.  How to trust God in new ways and how to manage the fears of doing this new step essentially alone.  It's good, fun, scary, and intense all at the same time.

Of course I wish I could say that the last couple of months/weeks were filled with only exciting news, but life doesn't work that way.  I've had my share of disappointments, apart from my house, that have tinged this last week.  Dreams that had to be re-shelved until a future time.  I'm still optimistic, but again, my timeline seems to be off.  God frequently brings things into my life to teach me certain lessons (sometimes over and over again).  This week I got to learn a little more about patience and endurance.

While serving in High School group this morning we sang a song I'd never heard, but a phrase I'd heard numerous times before hit me differently.  Your love is all I need.  And that phrase brought with it a new kind of peace that served as the exact balm that my soul needed this morning.  A reminder that I'm not alone in it all AND that all that I really need is already right here.  As I continue to wade through the disappointment and uncertainty of the upcoming week, I know that quite literally, God's love is all I need for sustenance and survival.  And for right now, that's enough.  One week at a time.