Sadness

Sometimes the sadness is just overwhelming.  The clouds impose their gloom and people seem to refuse to smile.

Some days I wish I could have back.  Some thoughts I wish would just go away.  Some people I just wish I could see.  Some dreams I wish would just disappear.

Mostly I just wish I understood.  That I didn't feel tired constantly.  That I didn't constantly wonder what's not-quite good enough about me.  That the next step wasn't clouded in darkness.  That life would give me some sort of guarantee.

Apparently not today.

***And then I read John Stumbo's weekly blog that just so happens to post on Thursdays.  There's the hope and reassurance that I needed so bad this morning.

"So, to all my friends who carry some sorrow this Christmas…to all my friends who quietly suffer in some way this season…I declare to you that your hardship may not be a sign of His displeasure. In fact, the very opposite might be true.

He’s trusting you. He’s entrusted something significant to you. And, it just might be that this Christmas, He’s bragging to a couple angels about you."