Hi, my name is Megan and I'm an Introvert.

I'm an introvert in my core, but through culture and prompting, I'm sometimes forced into semi-extroverted roles.  That's one of those interesting paradigm shifts where I try to figure out my role in a world with my spiritual gift of leadership along with my natural inclination to fade into the background.

Source

Sometimes I feel like I've been placed in a really unique role.  With a foot in both worlds.  And a voice that isn't always heard.

Disclaimer: There is a lot of misunderstanding between both Introverts & Extroverts.  I'm not saying that I understand the intricacies of all extroverts.  Just like I don't understand men.  I speak only for what I've seen and sensed.

For most of my existence I've felt misunderstood.

I had an epiphany of sorts last summer when I realized that extroverts frequently try to "convert" introverts.  Not the other way around--that would just be silly, right?

I've grown up in a culture that praises the extroverted.  And for a long time, I felt like I was broken.  I made strong efforts to join the extroverts.  And I usually failed.  More recently I let go of the desire to be extroverted--regardless of the value I believed came with that title. There was a certain freedom in accepting myself as I was created while seeking to find the balance between pushing myself out of my comfort zones to do the work God had created for me, and trying to be someone that I definitely was not created to be.

During leadership conversations centered around "drawing out the quiet students", I usually find myself reaching unusual levels of frustration.  The key is figuring out the difference between "just shy" and "naturally introverted", and then finding appropriate ways to stretch those people without making them think that they must act a different way to "be normal".  What the extrovert doesn't see are the high levels of anxiety and frustration that go along with "being extroverted".  For me, instead of enjoying where I'm at, I'm social conditioned to constantly question myself.  "You should be more social" turns into an overwhelming task at times--one I frequently "fail".  And the failure to live up to these social norms is surprisingly upsetting/frustrating.

When you start trying to mold introverts into fake extroverts you invariably dismiss the valuable role that introverts can play.  Those are usually the few moments I feel emboldened enough to speak up.  For those of us who typically won't. 

The roles are going to look different, just like each individual person holds a unique gifting.  Generally speaking though, introverts aren't going to naturally volunteer for roles that require microphones, or costumes, or center stage.  But limiting volunteer choices to the obvious can be troublesome for introverts.  They want to serve, but if you don't create appropriate roles, they're likely to step back and question their ability to help at all.

There is a beautiful interplay between extroverts and introverts.  A natural balance.  I'm confident that this balance can bleed over perfectly into kingdom work.  We just need more leaders who are able to identify those roles for the people who don't feel like they fit in as they are.

Today's headache

My frustration, in an act of rebellion, seems to have turned itself into a massive headache.  Sweet.

Today it's also hanging out with the overwhelmingly crushing feeling of defeat.  They're great pals.

Not a great day.  Feels like a giant step backwards.  **sigh**   My fault, my fault.  I know.

Pinterest Challenge: DIY State Art

I linked up to a Pinterest Challenge today on my other blog. Be sure to check out my post on my DIY State Art here: http://megeletto.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/pinterest-challenge-diy-state-art/

A second blog for you to follow.

Interested in following my house projects?  Visit my new blog HERE.  I've been having so much fun working on my projects that I've decided to share them on my blog.  Jump on over and check it out!

P.S. I'll still be posting my own personal life reflections here.  It just made more sense to have two different blogs (for different purposes).  Plus, I'd been itching to play with Wordpress for a while now.

Art-sy

My roommate's brother came to visit a couple months ago.  I admittedly didn't have a whole lot of contact with them, but in one sparing conversation he told me that he liked my house, and that it "had an artistic feel to it".

Honestly, his comment blew me away.

I had never looked at my house as "artistic".  In fact, I was still living under the phrase, "I'm not artistic, I can't even draw stick figures well".  I truly had given up on "being artistic".  I didn't draw, or paint, or sculpt.  I wasn't an artist--I was left-brained.  I repeated it so often that it became my reality.

Hearing that comment made me open my eyes.  And then I read this post by Steven Furtick about how no one is really "original".  I was dumbfounded.  I've done a LOT of projects in the last year--many of them reproductions (with tweaks) from others.  I had undervalued my own artistry.  Crazy.

Me?  An artist?  It's still so weird.  But I've at least come to terms with the fact that an "artist" isn't bound by certain mediums or productions.  Everyone is an artist.  Even me.

Restraint

I learn random facts about myself all the time.

This is what I'm learning right now.  I'm not good at keeping things to myself. I have an incessant desire to share almost everything.  It's absurd.  And with technology at my fingertips, I usually do end up sharing.

Disclaimer: If it's important not to share and it's another person's news, then I can usually make it, but it's HARD.

I'm being taught restraint.  And it's really difficult.

I want to tell people, but I know I shouldn't.  So I try to think of why it would be "okay" just this once.  And then I just clamp my mouth with wood clamps close my mouth and let the moment pass.  It always does.  And I'm just the same as I was before.

I'm learning restraint.  But I'm also learning that I share things for a reaction.  It's causing me to reevaluate the things I feel drawn to tell people.  Sharing ideas, thoughts, feelings, and memories with people isn't wrong, but some of my motivations are.

I'm also learning how conversations, while great for processing certain things, stretch ideas or concepts or feelings.  Just like throwing pizza dough.  Each conversation moves things forward or backward.  But always moving.

I don't think this one is supposed to move.  At least not now.

Flexible

I met with an amazing group of girls last Thursday night.  No agenda.  Just dinner and random conversations.  It was an evening rich with laughter and honesty.  One of those beautiful side effects of community.  I think I finally found it.

Part of the evening revolved around the meaning behind names.  How they are given and how sometimes we need to "grow" into them.  Each first and middle name was looked up and shared with the group.  These are always the moments where I feel a little disappointed that my name wasn't something cooler--or that it didn't describe me well enough.  Okay, okay, the meaning wasn't terrible.  My first name was something like lovely person--boring enough that I can't really remember it.  What really felt like the oddball to me was my middle name, which translated into: flexible.  Practically the opposite of how I feel and act 90% of the time.  I laughed it off and put it out of my mind.  Until another friend called me out and told me that I'm in a great place to practice adaptability, aka: flexibility.  Oh the signs God uses to get my attention. 

I've tried looking up my middle name again online, perhaps for an overwhelming "ah-ha!" moment from God.  But it must have been an error.  Or was it?

I'm being called to be flexible.  Regardless of what my middle name translates into.  More stepping outside my comfort zone, more leaping into the unknown, and more actions that feel risky. 

I'm being called to bigger things.  More than I'm able to do when I'm hunkered down in my "comfort zone".  Big risks, big rewards, more kingdom glory.  A lot more flexibility.