My stories from high school could probably fill an entire book. For that reason, I won't delve into any of them too deeply. Last night was eye opening for me though.
While enjoying dinner with my dear mentor, I shared several deeply painful situations from the good 'ol high-school era. Disappointment, pain, misunderstandings. Blah, blah, blah. I don't even know how we originally ended up on that topic, although I'm pretty sure the Holy Spirit was doing some directing of His own last night.
As invariably happens when I have a conversation with my mentor (which is partially why she is my mentor), I literally saw the exact situation that I've retold numerous times from a completely different angle. And in the process I discovered a big, hairy, ugly lie. A lie that comes so naturally to me that it scared me. A place I go to naturally, in almost all situations that don't go as I originally envision them.
That I'm not "good enough"
That there is something wrong with me.
It was fascinating how I finally saw that painful situation for what it was: foundational. A crappy foundation, but highly influential on how I do life today.
So I abandoned that lie. I'm done carrying that around with me. And I can't even tell you how much lighter life feels today. Oh progress, I missed you!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Big Rocks first
Okay, this video looks practically ancient, but the lesson stands firm in spite of its age.
Something that I continue to struggle with.
Something that I continue to struggle with.
Friday, February 11, 2011
A Journey
The first night of Great Expectations (a youth "five-course dinner" fundraiser for missions) was last night. And despite the fact that I went straight home to bed afterward, I'm exhausted this morning. It's a strange sense of exhaustion mingled with invigoration though. Working with high school students seems to be doing that to me lately.
I finished a journal last night. One I started back in November 2008. The journal chronicled the bittersweet journey of the highs and lows along the last couple of years. Lost friendships, broken relationships, new jobs, discovered passions, and plenty of other miscellaneous stepping stones along the way. But what I was struck with last night was that God has been preparing me for where I'm at now for a long time.
Back in 2008 I assessed my spiritual gifts and how I was using them, or not. I was blessed with the gift of leadership, but it was easier to let others lead, so it sat profitless. It felt wrong to not be using it at all, so around Christmas 2008 I asked God to give me an opportunity to use it. And I waited. And wondered. What had I just volunteered for?
Didn't God know that I wasn't any good with high school students??
God continues to push me out of "comfortable" and into "soul-stretching", and while it's usually semi-painful, I realize that God teaches me exactly what I need to learn through those situations. Sometimes it's a good kind of pain, like after an especially great workout, but other times it's soul-deep and saturated with hurt. Both of these lead to places of faith. And when I jump out in faith, amazing things happen.
There's something special about the team I work with. Individuals who give freely of themselves to students; students who are craving that kind of safe relationship. It's another time that I know, without a doubt, that I am exactly where I should be. That God put me here to use me, stretch me, grow me. And when I am tasked with leading or facilitating, the natural flow sometimes surprises me. Of course I realize that God gifts me for the situations He has put me in, but it's still truly beautiful.
Had you asked me back in 2008 if I would work with high school students, I would have vehemently denied it. In fact, I did. Up, down, and sideways. Now I can't imagine being anywhere else. The beauty of the students, the leaders, and the gifting is overwhelming at times. I'm inspired just being around them all. I appreciate them more than they know. And I smile. Deep, soul-stretching smiles.
Back in 2008 I assessed my spiritual gifts and how I was using them, or not. I was blessed with the gift of leadership, but it was easier to let others lead, so it sat profitless. It felt wrong to not be using it at all, so around Christmas 2008 I asked God to give me an opportunity to use it. And I waited. And wondered. What had I just volunteered for?
Didn't God know that I wasn't any good with high school students??
God continues to push me out of "comfortable" and into "soul-stretching", and while it's usually semi-painful, I realize that God teaches me exactly what I need to learn through those situations. Sometimes it's a good kind of pain, like after an especially great workout, but other times it's soul-deep and saturated with hurt. Both of these lead to places of faith. And when I jump out in faith, amazing things happen.
There's something special about the team I work with. Individuals who give freely of themselves to students; students who are craving that kind of safe relationship. It's another time that I know, without a doubt, that I am exactly where I should be. That God put me here to use me, stretch me, grow me. And when I am tasked with leading or facilitating, the natural flow sometimes surprises me. Of course I realize that God gifts me for the situations He has put me in, but it's still truly beautiful.
Had you asked me back in 2008 if I would work with high school students, I would have vehemently denied it. In fact, I did. Up, down, and sideways. Now I can't imagine being anywhere else. The beauty of the students, the leaders, and the gifting is overwhelming at times. I'm inspired just being around them all. I appreciate them more than they know. And I smile. Deep, soul-stretching smiles.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Forward Motion
Yesterday felt heavy. In fact, the last couple of weeks have had a pretty oppressive feeling to them as well. I felt weighed down by responsibilities, deadlines, and frustrating circumstances. I have been forcing myself through the motions. Things have to get done after all, whether I feel like it or not. All I wanted to do was sleep.
But this morning is lighter. I'm more optimistic about moving forward, and for the first time in weeks, I feel encouraged and inspired. Life finally doesn't feel so overwhelming that all I want to do is hide under a rock. I finally feel like the healing has begun--long awaited healing. Forward motion!
But this morning is lighter. I'm more optimistic about moving forward, and for the first time in weeks, I feel encouraged and inspired. Life finally doesn't feel so overwhelming that all I want to do is hide under a rock. I finally feel like the healing has begun--long awaited healing. Forward motion!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
You are more...
My commute to work takes less than a minute, or as I like to refer to it, "less than one song". So, when the song on the radio when I start my car is the same as the song that I randomly started singing that morning while getting ready, I take notice. God speaks to me through songs sometimes. Other times He just reassures me through them. This was one of those mornings.
For the last couple weeks I've felt like I'm being pelted with tiny, playground rocks. Solace is what I seek.
Tenth Avenue North - "You are more"
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
For the last couple weeks I've felt like I'm being pelted with tiny, playground rocks. Solace is what I seek.
Tenth Avenue North - "You are more"
You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Coconut Layer Cake
Saturday night I was the queen of convincing. Before Amanda even know what happened, I had conned her into baking a cake with me from scratch.
Okay, okay. So technically she received the Magnola's Bakery Cookbook in the mail and was so excited about it that she lent it to me to peruse. That was her first mistake. Once I got my heart set on baking a cake, all was lost.
Recipe online (per Leite's Culinaria)
We tag teamed through the entire recipe. I was measuring out ingredients while she beat all the ingredients into submission with the electric mixer. I worked on the filling as she poured the cake batter and got it in the oven. And after a short, but necessary, dinner break, we hit the frosting process with a vengeance.
Of course, our tag-teaming ways didn't allow much time to take pictures of the process. I'm going to blame it on our efficiency. Plus, there are some of the before and during pictures that I wouldn't show you--thank goodness for forgiving frosting. But we did get some "afters". And all three layers of it sure did look beautiful when we were done.
I'm not a huge frosting person. Having too much frosting on a cake/cupcake gives me the same feeling as rubbing velvet in the wrong direction. But this frosting had the consistency of whipped cream and tasted just as good. Definitely not too sweet. Plus the filling was amazing. But really, how can you go wrong with sugar, milk, and coconut?
This photo is just for kicks and giggles. Further proof that my kitchen lacks a few things. This is the only thing big enough to cover the cake while it sat on the counter.
Perhaps next weekend we'll get bored and bake something else.
Okay, okay. So technically she received the Magnola's Bakery Cookbook in the mail and was so excited about it that she lent it to me to peruse. That was her first mistake. Once I got my heart set on baking a cake, all was lost.
Recipe online (per Leite's Culinaria)
We tag teamed through the entire recipe. I was measuring out ingredients while she beat all the ingredients into submission with the electric mixer. I worked on the filling as she poured the cake batter and got it in the oven. And after a short, but necessary, dinner break, we hit the frosting process with a vengeance.
Of course, our tag-teaming ways didn't allow much time to take pictures of the process. I'm going to blame it on our efficiency. Plus, there are some of the before and during pictures that I wouldn't show you--thank goodness for forgiving frosting. But we did get some "afters". And all three layers of it sure did look beautiful when we were done.
I'm not a huge frosting person. Having too much frosting on a cake/cupcake gives me the same feeling as rubbing velvet in the wrong direction. But this frosting had the consistency of whipped cream and tasted just as good. Definitely not too sweet. Plus the filling was amazing. But really, how can you go wrong with sugar, milk, and coconut?
This photo is just for kicks and giggles. Further proof that my kitchen lacks a few things. This is the only thing big enough to cover the cake while it sat on the counter.
Perhaps next weekend we'll get bored and bake something else.
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