Words

Words are like tears.  Extremely freeing emotionally, but completely unpredictable as well.

It always seems that words fail me when I need them most.  When I need to describe how I'm feeling about something important or when I simply just want release; the words frequently feel distant and sterile.

I feel off kilter today.  Not enough that I'm worried I'm falling, but enough that I'm frustrated. 

It's funny actually.  Well, not really in a literal sense, but through a recent emotional situation I wanted nothing more than just to feel numb again.  To just not feel the searing pain all the time.  And now I feel like that's exactly where I'm at--more or less--and the numb feeling isn't any more soothing than the pain.  In fact, it's disconcerting.

I couldn't speak up, I couldn't pray aloud, I couldn't come up with a prayer request.  I feel like I've stumbled into an emotionless haze and I desperately want out.

The hope is that the words will pierce the haze and free me from this immobilization.  The fear is that, like when I want to cry most, the tears just won't come.

I want what I can't have.  Where is the release from that?