The Dessert of Disappointment

Dis-ap-point

Verb: to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of; to defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.)

Life can be full of disappointments, it all depends on your expectations.

I don't know why I didn't make this connection until today.  Control, worry, and disappointment are more intertwined than I knew.

I have a tendency to want control.  Over my life, my choices, my relationships, my finances, etc.  My desire for control usually leads to unrealistic expectations, which generally leads to unnecessary worrying about possible disappointments.

I spent my morning on one of my long training runs.  Long runs aren't my favorite, but to train for a marathon one must have a fair share of discipline.  I just keep reminding myself that it will be worth it in the end.  Unfortunately today I struggled through the entire run.  Unable to motivate myself enough to run, I actually walked more than half of the distance.  Frustration over what I quickly deemed a "failed" run and my inability to manage and control my thoughts left me sobbing through most of the rest.  I was overwhelmed by disappointment.  I had bigger expectations for myself.  I wanted better, more.

I've always expected a lot out of myself.  I aim high and shoot higher.  I'm not a newbie to setting unrealistic expectations for myself and others around me.  And I'm definitely not new to feeling the sting of disappointment either.

It would be really easy to cap this off and say that the lesson to my morning "mishap" would be to set more realistic expectations for myself.  But now I see that setting expectations will soothe the hurt, but not solve the problem.  The base problem is control.  Control of my life and my circumstances.

If I can truly relinquish my control to God and fully trust that He has even better things in store for me than what I can plan myself, I believe the unrealistic expectations will start to disappear.

Unfortunately for me that's like God asking me to lie in the middle of a busy street.  The idea is daunting.  My immediate response is to run and lock the doors to my life that I still feel the need to control.  It's risky and it's gutsy, and I'm still a little hesitant to take the first step.  But I must obey.  Josh talked on Joshua 3 at church this weekend about the fearful and disobedient Israelites who God punished by refusing entrance to the Promised Land.  Their children got a chance at the Promised Land as well, but to get it they had to step out into the water, literally, to show their obedience.  Not just get their feet close to the water and wait for the miracle to show itself, they literally had to step out with faith and obedience and then watch God do great things.  

It's time for me to step in the water.  To open the rest of my doors and let go of all of my unrealistic expectations for life.  Otherwise I'm doomed to continue wandering around the desert of disappointment.

Life is a journey of obedience, trust, and faith.  And God holds the only map.