Home again

Sometimes I think I dream in the impossible. But for today, that's okay.

I thought I had lost a part of me a couple months back.  It sounds weird to say, but it emerged again yesterday; in a beautifully hopeful kind of way.  I couldn't explain it to you, but it felt like home again.  So happy to be back here.

I still don't know where I'm headed, but I'm learning to accept that.  I'm also, for the first time ever, appreciating the journey alone.

Funny how things work out.

Is it Friday yet?

There is something so luxurious about the idea of waking up, but curling right back up in bed to pour over a book.  Something magical about forgetting everything around you and falling into a completely different world full of people you "know" but who don't know you.  If only it were morning and I had that luxury.

There are a few things I would love to temporarily escape from presently.

One of them being the nice graffiti tagging done to the back of my shed.  According to my roommate (who has Mondays off), the police dropped by.  I officially have FIVE days to remove it.... or else?  I suppose there is a fine of some sort if I don't.  Since I don't typically hang out in the back alley (um, ever) it's sure nice the cops let me know and gave me such a reasonable time table to paint a 6x12' wall.  Dumb teenage kids with nothing better to do.

They should read more books.  Then they'd have less time to tag things.  AND I would have more time to read books.  Sounds like a win-win for all.

tough conversations

I suppose it's only fitting for tough conversations to be preceded with tough emotions.  My stomach feels like a sailor got hold of it and tied it up in knots.  I dread that conversation, but I know that the knots will not go away until it is had.  Trying to decide which is worse is a terrible decision. 

I tried really hard, but mostly I just feel like I failed.  And there is an undeniable frustration in why it had to be this way.  Why couldn't I fix it?  What was the problem?

Life seems a little surreal.

Somehow I drifted from where I was.

For good and for bad I guess.  I'm not who I was a year ago.  I'm not where I was a year ago.  And I'm still not sure how I feel about that.

There is safety in "same-ness", in the unchanging, daily routine.  Part of me feels like I somehow got off the path.  I'm not far, in fact, I can still see the path I want, but I'm stuck at the divide.

Either laziness or fear separates me from where I know I should be.

Happy 1-Year Birthday House!

It's hard to believe that it has been a year already!  I can still remember back to the day I got the keys, the first night I spent (on a mattress in the upstairs landing), and so many Ikea trips that I'm sure I can't still count them on fingers and toes.  I've been busy this year, pretty focused on making the house "mine".

Forgive the iPhone pictures, but I thought it might be fun to see some comparison photos.  What it looked like right before I got the house (some of the previous owners stuff is in the pictures) in Sept 2010, and what it looks like today, Sept 2011.

Plus, who doesn't like a good house tour??

Here's the outside.  Probably one of my favorite changes actually.  I absolutely love the new color!
2010

2011... probably should have been better about watering my lawn though...

Now, inside to the living room
2010

2011... I still have plans for some black & white striped curtains in here

Dining room, the largest room in the house.
2010

2011... the light fixture was a lot of fun to create, and building a table the right size for the space made such a difference in this room.

Downstairs bathroom
2010

2011... not a whole lot of changes, but I have some future plans to install a shower in this bath.

Kitchen
2010

2011.... not much has changed.  Watch for big plans to paint the cabinets white.... as soon as I have an extra burst of painting energy.

Downstairs Bedroom/TV room
2010 (another terrible picture, the angle was strange)

2011... the curtains need to be hung higher and it needs a table lamp, but other than that, this space is pretty complete.

Upstairs Landing.
2010 (Apologies for this extra-terrible picture--they had this room painted a chocolate brown, which didn't help in my picture-taking effort)

2011... the room color makes the room seem larger.  Reupholstering that chair was one of my major projects this year.  And that crayon art might be my favorite DIY project to date.

Upstairs Bedroom #1 (smallest)
2010

2011.. this is my bedroom now.  It's small, but I love it.  Most recent repair was getting this uneven door/frame to mesh so that the door would latch.  It's the small things that I love.

Upstairs Bedroom #2 (middle sized)
2010

2011... this became the "roommates" room.  I've already had two of them.  Ashley painted it the dark grey and hung the lanterns.  It turned out really well.

Upstairs Bedroom #3 (largest, but smallest closet)
2010

2011... now it's the "closet".  I love this room.  The previous owner had put up all the shelves and bars, and after a little paint, some stain, and new curtains, this room looks amazing.  Big plans for a DIY rug in the making.

Upstairs Bathroom
2010

2011... the room hasn't changed too much, although the shower (behind the door) got a beautiful, glass shower door.  This weekend I'm painting it, but a very similar color. We loved the color, but the previous owner didn't have any spare paint for this room, and I'm tired of looking at white spots on the walls.

Backyard
2010

2011... aside from dead grass, no real changes.  I spent the year watching random flowers bloom all over the yard, and pulling weeds until I got blisters.  Maybe next year I'll figure out what to do with the space.

Grocery shopping

Something that I loathe more than running in the hot?

Grocery shopping.

So I don't.  Until I absolutely have to.  Which is probably how I've gone a month without milk.  Or butter.

I'm nothing if not resourceful.  Or maybe I'm actually just crazy.

Somehow I manage not to starve though--so it all works.

Running--you know, that hobby I supposedly really enjoy?

I'm back to work now.  My month-long furlough is unfortunately over.  My house projects were sure grateful for the extra time though, but my sleep cycle is all kinds of out-of-whack.

If I told you my actual dreams, you might have me committed, so I'll spare you.  Suffice it to say, I'm sleepy. A lot.  This means that mornings are très difficult.  I'm supposed to be running--you know, that hobby that I supposedly really enjoy?--but mornings thwart me every time.

every. single. time.

I set my alarm for plenty early (without leaving too much excess time), and I routinely wake up to my alarm, in an almost-panic-but-too-exhausted-to-think-of-anything-beyond-more-sleep state of alert.  Hit the button, lay back down, and assure myself that my lack of sleep this particular morning is totally reasonable and worthwhile.

And that's probably where I've learned how to lie (to myself) convincingly.  I must be pretty naive though, because I'm 100% terrible at lying to anyone but myself.  Odd giggles and smirks almost always give me away.

So, I bask in the completion of a (relay) race that I've always wanted to run (Hood to Coast), and instead of guarding the precious "in shape-ness" that I spent weeks attaining, I sleep for another 30 minutes.  Usually with the false belief that I "will run in the evening".

Who am I kidding?  It has been in the 90's this week and last.  And my semi-traumatic experience with looking white as a sheet after trying to run four miles in the Portland 90° heat, and the fuzzy memories surrounding it, don't help my giddy-up when it comes to running motivation (in the heat).  I do just like the wicked witch of the west and melt.  No water required though.

Pretty much just like this.

I see all those crazy people out there, running in the heat of the day anyway.  I can't decide if they're super-human or super-crazy.  Either way, it's a no-go for me.

So, logical Megan realizes that runs cannot be counted on to occur in the wee morning hours (with any regularity) and must occur at night.  But for that to happen, the weather must shift to cooler, it's-the-beginning-of-your-nine-month-winter weather.  And it's only September.  Way too early for the rain to start (and never stop again).

For as long as it took to get an actual summer (not until the beginning of July), I'm sure quick to send it back on it's way.

Perhaps if it could just be 40-50° in the mornings/evenings and 70's for the rest of the time.  Unrealistic?  Stupid El Niño/La Niña or whatever.  I need less extreme weather.  Pronto.