tough conversations

I suppose it's only fitting for tough conversations to be preceded with tough emotions.  My stomach feels like a sailor got hold of it and tied it up in knots.  I dread that conversation, but I know that the knots will not go away until it is had.  Trying to decide which is worse is a terrible decision. 

I tried really hard, but mostly I just feel like I failed.  And there is an undeniable frustration in why it had to be this way.  Why couldn't I fix it?  What was the problem?

Life seems a little surreal.

Somehow I drifted from where I was.

For good and for bad I guess.  I'm not who I was a year ago.  I'm not where I was a year ago.  And I'm still not sure how I feel about that.

There is safety in "same-ness", in the unchanging, daily routine.  Part of me feels like I somehow got off the path.  I'm not far, in fact, I can still see the path I want, but I'm stuck at the divide.

Either laziness or fear separates me from where I know I should be.