A Journey

The first night of Great Expectations (a youth "five-course dinner" fundraiser for missions) was last night.  And despite the fact that I went straight home to bed afterward, I'm exhausted this morning.  It's a strange sense of exhaustion mingled with invigoration though.  Working with high school students seems to be doing that to me lately.

I finished a journal last night. One I started back in November 2008.   The journal chronicled the bittersweet journey of the highs and lows along the last couple of years.  Lost friendships, broken relationships, new jobs, discovered passions, and plenty of other miscellaneous stepping stones along the way.  But what I was struck with last night was that God has been preparing me for where I'm at now for a long time.

Back in 2008 I assessed my spiritual gifts and how I was using them, or not.  I was blessed with the gift of leadership, but it was easier to let others lead, so it sat profitless.  It felt wrong to not be using it at all, so around Christmas 2008 I asked God to give me an opportunity to use it.  And I waited.  And wondered.  What had I just volunteered for?

Didn't God know that I wasn't any good with high school students??

God continues to push me out of "comfortable" and into "soul-stretching", and while it's usually semi-painful, I realize that God teaches me exactly what I need to learn through those situations.  Sometimes it's a good kind of pain, like after an especially great workout, but other times it's soul-deep and saturated with hurt.  Both of these lead to places of faith.  And when I jump out in faith, amazing things happen.

There's something special about the team I work with.  Individuals who give freely of themselves to students; students who are craving that kind of safe relationship.  It's another time that I know, without a doubt, that I am exactly where I should be.  That God put me here to use me, stretch me, grow me.  And when I am tasked with leading or facilitating, the natural flow sometimes surprises me.  Of course I realize that God gifts me for the situations He has put me in, but it's still truly beautiful.

Had you asked me back in 2008 if I would work with high school students, I would have vehemently denied it.  In fact, I did.  Up, down, and sideways.  Now I can't imagine being anywhere else.  The beauty of the students, the leaders, and the gifting is overwhelming at times.  I'm inspired just being around them all.  I appreciate them more than they know.  And I smile.  Deep, soul-stretching smiles.