Choices

There are pivotal moments in my life that define why or how I do life in a particular way.

During my sophomore year of high school, as a simple class assignment, we were tasked with creating a poem about butterflies.  And the next day, we were surprised with an impromptu poetry reading session.  I was the only kid who didn't participate.  My high levels of anxiety subsided when, poem in hand, I told the teacher (who insisted I read it in front of the class), that I would rather take a zero.  I don't think she actually gave me a zero, but I learned something valuable that day.

I openly share certain things and I'm intensely private about others.

Regurgitating stats and quotes from history books is safe.  Writing about opinion pieces (not supported by facts) or about feelings makes you incredibly vulnerable.  Biblical insight falls into this category as well.

There is something about the internet that makes sharing not quite like sharing.  Not at all like standing in front of my peers to read a poem, or sharing a thought during a staff devotional.  The internet seems to form a thin veil behind which I feel safe and free to operate.  Creating an ideal environment that is free from anxiety or distress.  No panic attacks, sweaty palms, wildly beating hearts, or other strange anti-sharing symptoms.

For that, I am grateful.  That I have a place I feel safe (as strange as that sounds).  A place that allows me to process.

Unfortunately it almost makes real life more difficult.  I've convinced myself that I learn as much, if not more, by sitting and listening to others instead of opening my mouth.  I tell myself that I really have nothing of value to share, therefore why bother?  But I was challenged this morning with the thought that there are things that people could be learning from me.  That, like me, most people learn from listening to others; what are others not hearing because I'm too afraid to open my mouth?

The irony between this post and yesterdays post (completely unrelated), sort of blows me away.  Who actual dictates the value of a thought?