Hearing a "no"

It's a warm winter evening.  Nearly 60 degrees.  Unbelievable almost.

I should be asleep right now.  Saturday evening/Sunday morning 1:00am, but I'm not (obviously).

I'm guessing that's probably because I'm processing through what I believe is a "no" from God right now.  So I sit here, trying to let it sink in fully.  Give myself proper time to accept the death of something I wanted so much.  Where to even start?

Where was the guarantee that life would go according to my plan?  Where was the promise of things on my timetable?

How easily I forget that what is there one moment can easily be gone the next.  Trying to find acceptance, wholeness, or happiness in something other than God frequently goes this way.  I wonder sometimes if particular things are taken away when I lose my focus.  That perhaps this is God's way of "gently" reminding me that life with Him is sweet, and sweeter still when my focus is correct.

Thankfully God walks through the journey to healing with me.  My head on His shoulder.  The calming words of peace and rest He whispers to me.  The reminder that great things are ahead.  Tonight I need His shoulder more than I knew.