The "worry" rocking chair

"Worry is like a rocking chair; it will give you something to do but it won't get you anywhere."

"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith.  The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety." - George Müller

I'm half-way through a fabulous book called Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow.  I will admit, I was excited about this book when I bought it.  I immediately opened it up and started digging in only to realize the amount of "reconstructive" work that would be necessary to read such a book.  I subsequently set it down and let it sit on the shelf for a year and a half collecting dust.  I was too busy to do all the work, I would just "deal with it later".

I've had issues sleeping for years.  In fact, the problem of waking up numerous times a night was starting to get debilitating.  I was sick and tired of being tired all the time.  Action time.  I got my doctor referral and visited a sleep center where I did an overnight study (I'm not even going to go into how weird the whole experience was.)  At my follow up appointment my doctor essentially said "yeah, there's nothing wrong with you; you just worry too much."

Armed with the knowledge that the issue was literally "all in my head".  I picked the book back up again.  Almost as it had been waiting for me to come back to my senses and read it, there it was, right where I left it.  It's requiring some effort and some honest realizations, but I can already see the fruit of progress.

If you're anything like me, you struggle with control and worry.  Sure, I'd given God most of the doors in my life, but I held on to a few.  The ones that meant the most to me.  The ones that I just couldn't relinquish control to.  The unnecessary worry associated with trying to juggle these remaining rooms is too much, but the thought of no control at all almost gives me a "deer in the headlights" sort of response.

I've had a note card with the verse Philippians 4:6-7 for years.  "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

I want that peace.  In fact, the visual picture that I get when thinking about that peace is a hammock, a cold drink, and a warm day on a sandy beach somewhere.  All encompassing relief from the prison of anxiety and worry.  In order to get that peace though, I have to open the doors and unclench my hands.

It's not exactly an easy process, but if my hammock and cold drink are waiting on the other side, I think I'll be alright.  I'm on the path though and I can see the sand in the distance.