2012: Wholeness

Instead of New Year’s resolutions in 2012 that I knew (from experience) that I wouldn’t keep, I chose a word for the year.

Or, more accurately, God chose a word for me.

Wholeness.

It was a word that I didn’t hear often; in speech or in writing.  Perhaps that is why when I heard the word on January 1st, I was sure it was meant for me.  And I felt a little like Mary, pondering and treasuring my word and all that it meant for me.  It was a word with such promise and life.  Who wouldn’t want Wholeness?!

The largeness of the word was completely against my character.  I like specific, attainable goals.  Or, I set specific, attainable steps towards my goal.  But I wasn’t given a crystal clear word to chase after (likely on purpose).  Sure, wholeness has a lot of meaning you can go after, but the enormity of it kept me from chasing after it purely on my own accord.  It was too big to master alone.  It could go in so many directions and mean so many things.

And it’s true—Wholeness didn’t turn out exactly like I dreamily envisioned it would last January.

For most of the year it felt like misaligned bones being broken and re-set.  And healing.  Lots and lots of healing. 

I listened and watched for the word.  It popped up surprisingly more often than I thought.  Perhaps I was just more aware of it?  Or perhaps it was on purpose.  And even more surprising, it frequently got paired with other great words that soothed my ragged soul, like Holiness, and Rest, and Peace. 

Those were direction words.  Call-to-action words.  I love those.

So, one year later I sit here, up on a mountain I just scaled (or at least a good ways up), looking down on all the steps, the missteps, and the treacherous parts I went through to get here.  I asked for those painful experiences—counter culture, I know—because I knew that growth comes through “challenge” and not through “easy”.  And today, I’m different than I was last December—for this I am glad, grateful, and encouraged. 

My word allowed focus, where pointless New Year’s resolutions would only bring grief and guilt.  My word allowed growth; it moved me forward and challenged me.  It allowed for all these things because it wasn’t the journey I picked for myself.  It wasn’t the word that I would have chosen.  I didn’t choose it.  It was the journey I was meant to take this year, and I willingly submitted my ideas to the roll of the tide of God’s plan.  Always a wise choice.

So today is December 27^th.  And with such a successful word for 2012, I’m already anxious to have a zinger for 2013.  But it’s not mine to choose.  So I wait; expectantly and submissively.  The journey is so much better and richer when I’m not trying to play the tour guide for a trip I’ve never taken.