2012: Wholeness

Instead of New Year’s resolutions in 2012 that I knew (from experience) that I wouldn’t keep, I chose a word for the year.

Or, more accurately, God chose a word for me.

Wholeness.

It was a word that I didn’t hear often; in speech or in writing.  Perhaps that is why when I heard the word on January 1st, I was sure it was meant for me.  And I felt a little like Mary, pondering and treasuring my word and all that it meant for me.  It was a word with such promise and life.  Who wouldn’t want Wholeness?!

The largeness of the word was completely against my character.  I like specific, attainable goals.  Or, I set specific, attainable steps towards my goal.  But I wasn’t given a crystal clear word to chase after (likely on purpose).  Sure, wholeness has a lot of meaning you can go after, but the enormity of it kept me from chasing after it purely on my own accord.  It was too big to master alone.  It could go in so many directions and mean so many things.

And it’s true—Wholeness didn’t turn out exactly like I dreamily envisioned it would last January.

For most of the year it felt like misaligned bones being broken and re-set.  And healing.  Lots and lots of healing. 

I listened and watched for the word.  It popped up surprisingly more often than I thought.  Perhaps I was just more aware of it?  Or perhaps it was on purpose.  And even more surprising, it frequently got paired with other great words that soothed my ragged soul, like Holiness, and Rest, and Peace. 

Those were direction words.  Call-to-action words.  I love those.

So, one year later I sit here, up on a mountain I just scaled (or at least a good ways up), looking down on all the steps, the missteps, and the treacherous parts I went through to get here.  I asked for those painful experiences—counter culture, I know—because I knew that growth comes through “challenge” and not through “easy”.  And today, I’m different than I was last December—for this I am glad, grateful, and encouraged. 

My word allowed focus, where pointless New Year’s resolutions would only bring grief and guilt.  My word allowed growth; it moved me forward and challenged me.  It allowed for all these things because it wasn’t the journey I picked for myself.  It wasn’t the word that I would have chosen.  I didn’t choose it.  It was the journey I was meant to take this year, and I willingly submitted my ideas to the roll of the tide of God’s plan.  Always a wise choice.

So today is December 27^th.  And with such a successful word for 2012, I’m already anxious to have a zinger for 2013.  But it’s not mine to choose.  So I wait; expectantly and submissively.  The journey is so much better and richer when I’m not trying to play the tour guide for a trip I’ve never taken.

In the dark

It’s a good thing that God can do some of His best work in the dark, because that’s exactly where I am today.  I’m groping in the dark for the light switch.  Perhaps I should be content to just sit in the middle of the dark room to contemplate and trust.  But that’s not my natural reaction.  My natural reaction is for control.  I know I have to experience whatever is in the room, but honestly I would prefer to do it in the light, with my back against the wall, fully aware of what’s coming at me.  I don’t want to tackle it in the dark.

But I’m finding that it’s in the moments when we can’t find the light switch that we find God instead.  And instead of continuing to search the wall, I’m choosing instead to cling to Him.  He brought me here.  He will lead me through even though I cannot see.  Because He can.  He knows the way.  This I believe.  This I trust in.

I will continue to seek the Kingdom of God FIRST.  And while I know that I will face troubles along the way, I rest in the assurance of God’s favor, God’s presence, and God’s will.  Because earthly accolades are nothing in comparison to completing the task I have been chosen for; even if it’s uphill the whole way.

27 things I've learned by my 27th birthday.

Here is a random, and possibly useless selection of knowledge I've acquired in my life so far.

1. If you wear white, you will always spill something on yourself.  Or someone will spill on you.  It's some kind of law

2. The book is always better than the movie.

3. Spend as much time as you can doing what makes you feel most alive. It's totally possible that it will be uncomfortable in the beginning.

4. Epoxy glue works like magic.

5. You will probably fail at something.  It's how you react when that happens that matters.

6.  Don't have the equivalent of three shots of coffee the first time you drink coffee.  Especially not on a work night.  You will be up until 2am, and you'll just need more coffee in the morning to stay awake.  The vicious coffee addiction cycle starts right there.

7.  Staying awake (or trying to) for 48 straight hours is what I imagine Hell to be like.  I do not recommended it.

8.  Moderation is key-- in everything.  Except Jesus.

9.  Every once in a while you should do something completely unexpected.

10.  It's okay to admit that you're broken-- and healing.  No one is perfect, so why do we all pretend we are?

11.  Do/prepare/train for something that you think is too difficult.  It'll completely change your framework of "impossible".

12.  If you can't pronounce the ingredients in your food, you probably shouldn't eat it.

13.  Learn how to grieve well (however that looks like for you).  Losses are not limited to just death.  Losses look like lost opportunities, dreams, hopes, relationships, or just life changes.  It's healthy to take the time to grieve these things, even if that's not what society says.  It's also exhausting.

14.  You don't need cable TV.  Especially not with the internet.

15.  The gift of community is priceless.  Find one.  Invest in one.

16.  There is a huge difference between being "Introverted" and "Extroverted".  Learn which one you are, and then embrace it.  But also take the time to learn about both types and you'll be slower to make judgments.

17.  Family is precious.  Cherish every single minute.  You'll wish you did later.

18.  Research before you do something.  Learn from other people's mistakes. 

19.  Mentor and be mentored.  This is life changing.

20.  Laugh.  A lot.  Mostly at yourself.

21.  People hurt people.  But quality people do exist.

22.  Some things just plain don't make sense.  Sometimes you just have to accept that and let it go.

23. Learning how to tell a good story will always be useful.

24.  Don't lose hope.

25.  Do things well.  Complete jobs and obligations.  Your reputation will follow you, and your willingness to follow through and finish well is what will set you apart from the rest.

26.  If you own (or even rent) a home, know how things work before they break.  It makes fixing them easier and less "crisis" worthy.

27.  Busyness is (a lot of the time) an avoidance technique.  What are you (purposefully) too busy to deal with?