Alot of...

After reading THIS post by Hyperbole and a Half (which is one of the funniest blogs ever).  I became obsessed with "alots".  The grammarian in me cringes even when I type it.  But somehow I have convinced myself that it's more of a noun than an adverb.  Somehow...

And, I think the very same website is to blame for my insistence on drawing funny pictures in paint.  I think I may just be trying to prove my epic level of funny.  Not sure it's working, but since I haven't written anything else in a while, I thought I would show you some of my more inspiring drawings.

Read THIS post about the "alots", or the pictures probably won't make much sense.

Here is the original alot.

Gratuitously stolen from Hyperbole and a Half

 

 

Here are some of mine:

This is the rainbow alot.  Or "I see rainbows alot"  Which is true.  Too much rain.

This is the Save-alot.  A funny rendition of an actual store.  Ignore the text.  The picture has other uses before I decided to put it on the interwebs.

Obviously I stole the alot here and added my own train.

And this is my masterpiece from yesterday.  A mix of my strange fear of getting hit by trains and my strange obsession with alots.  I haven't actually decided who wins.  Although I'll tell you, I'm rooting for the alot.

Anxiety & Anticipation

LOVED this reminder/post today.  Exactly what I needed to be reminded about.

"Position yourself in anticipation but not anxiety.
Anxiety causes you to always reach for the next thing. Anticipation moves you to wait patiently.
Anxiety cultivates bitterness about your current situation. Anticipation helps you make the most of the present.
Anxiety blinds you to the joy of the moment. Anticipation gives you hope in this moment for the next one.
Anxiety will never be satisfied. Anticipation finds satisfaction in using this moment to prepare for the next.
Choose to anticipate and avoid anxiety."

From Jordan's site Intersection.

Pain

Sometimes the deepest pain can produce the most growth.  But only when you unclench your fists.

And yet it still leaves the most visible scars.  To remind you where you've been.  And who you are.

My generation

Sometimes I'm just so tired.  Not just physical tiredness (although that basically perpetually describes me), but a tiredness that comes from hearing people mis-categorize people.  Especially those who pigeon-hole my generation (Gen Y/Millennials) into a teeny-tiny box.

I look young, which doesn't help, but I work around people who are older than me.  Slowly the fact that I'm one of the younger people employed in my work circle has settled in.  I'm used to being the youngest person in the room.  I'm used to having all the attention focused on me as soon as anything "young" is discussed.  That's why I'm around, right?  To share insight in an underrepresented, but up-and-coming generation.

This morning I sat through an amazingly dull four-hour seminar for leadership development focused on the non-profit sector.  A woman from a different organization asked a simple question on how to best utilize millennials who come to volunteer.  The speaker (a woman probably in her 60's) answered the question.  Honestly, I was offended.  It sounded something like this:

"Role playing!  Get them acting out situations so they understand.  Keep it simple, that's what they understand."

It's an insult.  And really, this is what I'm so frustrated about.  There is a general lack of belief that my generation can do anything.  This is not the first time I've heard something like this.  We're apparently only good at video games and surfing the internet.  You know what happens when little is assumed from someone?  They accomplish little.  Surely our capacity exceeds "simple instructions".  We're not idiots. 

And I'm not just frustrated that we don't trust the older side of the generation, the post-college grads (who apparently need "simple" directions in order to understand things), but the younger ones too.  The responsibilities that adults gave me when I was in middle school were amazing compared to what we believe teens are capable of doing today.  Giving them the same responsibilities can almost be laughable.  And that's sad.  What happened in the middle of my generation that caused everyone to lose faith in us?

Sure, we're got our quirks, but don't you realize that someday, we'll be in control.  Shouldn't you have already taught us how things should be done?  Shouldn't you trust us now and let us prove our capabilities?  Where are all the mentors for my generation?  Why won't you share your wisdom, and we can share our youth?

The future is only scary because no one seems to want to be bothered to show us the way to go.  The end result is inevitable.

P.S. Today is my 1-year blogging anniversary.  My first post: here

I'm a hoarder

I've never been much of a "saver".  I got my minimalist mindset from my father, who eventually lost the privilege of sorting the mail when I was younger because he frequently threw out things my mom thought were important.  We're good at assessing the value of something and letting go.

Unfortunately, I think I found my hoarding tendency.  But it's not with objects.

I've quoted this here before, but I still love it.  It's from Shauna Niequist's book Bittersweet.

"I love it when a day's activities stack up on top of each other perfectly, from breakfast to work to lunch to grocery shopping to coffee, all the way through till I fall into bed.  I love days when you're always leaving something early to arrive just a touch late at the next place, like pearls on a string or Tarzan swinging on vines, feed never touching the ground.

Or really, I love the idea of that way of living, so I sign myself up for it every chance I get.  And then I realize in the moment that it isn't what I wanted at all.  After a while, I'm frantic and tired and not really listening when people are talking.

I've been around this block a thousand times.  I'm ravenous, and life looks to me so sparkly and beautiful, waiting to be devoured like a perfect apple.  So I say yes, yes to everything.  It's so delicious, and I don't want to miss out on even one moment of it.  And that's the point.  I miss all sorts of sacred and significant moments, because of my frantic insistence that I can do it all, and that I don't have to miss anything."

I refuse to prioritize my life.  And not in a good, take-a-stand kind of way either.  My default setting is to want to do everything.  Ravenous for a full schedule.  A busy day.  Non-stop productivity.

A few days ago I was retelling the success of my day to my mentor, my ability to schedule everything into my week, including a brand-new relationship.  She very carefully told me that I couldn't do it.  That in order to add something into the mix, I would need to drop something else.  I immediately balked at the idea.

"I am quite capable of doing everything.  I'm just better at scheduling than most people."

But I'm pretty sure she's right.  In fact, I openly admit defeat.  And this isn't an easy defeat to admit either because I hold all of the things I love so tightly that the idea of releasing one of them due to time restraints, makes me want to cry (or take up another hobby in order to time travel).

I think this article on Restlessness by Rhett Smith explains it well.  The restlessness comes from unfulfilled desires, caused partially by living on earth and partially by the inability to "discipline our focus".

I want to do lots of things.  But I don't have time for them all.

The first step isn't letting go of the activities.  The first step is accepting the limitations of time.  And the lack of control therewith.